There are elements of the narrative in Gladiator II - or, as it is more amusingly called on-screen, GLADIIATOR - that the movie treats as big reveals… but they’re all in the trailers. This being the case, I don’t think they can technically be considered spoilers. However, if you’re dying to see this movie and have somehow avoided all the marketing, maybe come back and read this later?
2024 was a strong year for movies and television - including some really good sequels! - but it was an ABYSMAL year for legacy sequels. From July onwards alone, we were subjected to Twisters, Beverly Hills Cop 4, and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (at least The First Omen was great… but then, nobody went to see that movie). These films have a lot of shortcomings (like, a lot), but their biggest problem as a group is that they lack zeal. It’s not fair to say that everyone involved in the making of these films was just going through the motions to get a paycheck, because I don’t know them and I have no idea what they were thinking… but it sure feels like everyone involved in the making of these films was just going through the motions to get a paycheck.
2024’s pitiful parade of perfunctoriness concluded with Ridley Scott’s GLADIIATOR, now streaming on Paramount+. A lot of people have noted how the film is very much in line with The Force Awakens, in that it’s basically just a remake or the original with some cosmetic details changed: there are two crazy young emperors instead of one, instead of fighting tigers they fight baboons, instead of opponents riding chariots there’s an opponent riding a rhino, and so on. But at least The Force Awakens had pep in its step; GLADIIATOR is just so very… blah.
It seems apparent we’re in for a nap right from the beginning, when the opening credits include faux-painted animation of scenes from the first movie. The animation isn’t very good - it looks like an Instagram filter or AI - but it also feels as though it’s trying to prey on sentiment for the first film, because, well, it largely revolves around Maximus (Russell Crowe) and Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix), both of whom died at the end of the original and are thus not in this sequel.
In Gladiator, Maximus is a reluctant general who just wants peace so he can go back to his home and be with his wife and child; after Commodus stages a coup, he orders the execution of Maximus’ family. Maximus then winds up as a slave made to fight as a gladiator under the tutelage of Proximo (Oliver Reed), which leads him down a path of revenge against Commodus.
In GLADIIATOR, the Maximus role has been split into two parts. First, we get Hanno (Paul Mescal), a happily married farmer living in Numidia when the Roman army invades; and then we get Marcus Acacius (Pedro Pascal), a reluctant general who just wants peace so he can go home and be with his wife. It’s Marcus Acacius who, in the heat of battle, orders the killings of Hanno’s wife, so after Hanno winds up as a slave made to fight as a gladiator under the tutelage of Macrinus (Denzel Washington), he heads down a path of revenge against Marcus Acacius.
Complicating matters: unbeknownst to either man, Marcus Acacius is now shtupping Hanno’s mom, Lucilla (Connie Nielsen, the only major character from the first flick to show up this time): Hanno, it turns out, is secretly Lucius, the kid Spencer Treat Clark played in Gladiator (Treat Clark was done real dirty here: not only was his adult self recast, but flashbacks to Lucius’ youth use a ringer, Alfie Tempest). Furthermore, although Gladiator implies Maximus may be Lucius’ father, GLADIIATOR confirms it.
Oh, right, and there’s also those evil, insane twin emperors, Geta (Joseph Quinn, appearing in his second shitty franchise entry of 2024) and Caracalla (Tobey Maguire lookalike Fred Hechinger, appearing in his second shitty franchise entry of 2024). And “Oh, right,” is just about the level of attention the story gives these two. It’s heavily implied, although never explicitly stated, that they’re gay, lest Hollywood go too long with reverting to the “homosexuals are deviants” trope.
GLADIIATOR’s action scenes are as inert as its narrative. The set pieces in the first Gladiator are lacking the way so many such sequences in the post-MTV area are lacking: they’re all close-ups and quick-cuts, with no sense of geography or ability to clearly convey what’s happening. GLADIIATOR has the opposite problem: it feels like Scott slept-directed them. There’s just no punch to these punches.
The same thing can be said of Mescal. I’ve only seen the actor in one other movie, 2023’s All of Us Strangers, but he was wonderful; I walked away fully understanding why he’s being hyped as a major talent to watch. But he’s perilously miscast in GLADIIATOR. Everyone keeps talking about how Hanno/Lucius has this “rage” in him, but Mescal doesn’t project even the slightest amount of anger. Maximus was portrayed by Crowe at the height of his phone-throwing era; he did feel furious, likely because Crowe was furious. Mescal, however, just seems introspective, sensitive, and sad, even if he did clearly spend a lot of time at the gym preparing for this part. Characters repeatedly discussing his rage is an instance of tell-don’t-show at its worst.
Pascal does much better, but, frankly, his role just isn’t fleshed-out enough to take advantage of his vast talents. He probably should have been the protagonist; the idea of a general wrestling with the demands of immoral leaders is much more interesting (and germane to our times) than a retread of Maximus’ revenge story. But Caesar forbid this sequel do anything even moderately original.
There’s only one real reason to suffer through GLADIIATOR, and that’s Washington; not unlike Alessandro Nivola in Kraven the Hunter or Jason Momoa in Fast X, he seems to have realized he’s in a terrible movie, and thus decided to just have fun and chew up as much scenery as he can fit in his mouth. His line deliveries are next-level bizarre (I mean that as a compliment): in one scene, he says the word “power” as “POW-ah,” and in another, he extends the word “politics” into a snake’s hiss (“…that, my friend, is politicsssssssssss”).
It’s tempting to hypothesize that GLADIIATOR sucks because Scott is now 87 and out of gas. But that’s hogwash: he made the considerably chewier Napoleon just a year ago, and The Last Duel, one of the best films in his storied filmography, in 2021. But neither of those films garnered the attention they deserved, either in terms of box office or awards attention. Again, I’m unfairly speculating here, but I have to wonder if his sole reason for making GLADIIATOR was because he felt he needed a hit, lest the movies he directs in his sunset years be relegated to the same scrap heap as those of filmmakers such as Brian De Palma and Clint Eastwood. Regardless of his reasons for making the picture, it stands as one of the worst in his oeuvre. You will not be entertained.