Everything You Always Wanted to Know about the SSU*

(*But Were Afraid to Ask)

There’s no getting around it: Valentine’s Day will see the release of the next mega-budget Hollywood superhero movie, Madame Web. Having a new comic book adaptation that means audiences will want to discuss the ongoing issue of shared cinematic universes - specifically, the SSU.

If you’ve been hesitant about having a conversation with your loved ones, you’re not alone. Many people feel nervous discussing the SSU, whether out of fear, embarrassment, or just plain uncertainty about what to say.

Even if you don’t know exactly how to go about it, talking about the SSU doesn’t have to be a source of anxiety for you or those close to you: here’s everything you always wanted to know about the SSU (but were afraid to ask).

What is the SSU?

The SSU is the official designation for Sony's Spider-Man Universe. It was formerly known as SPUMC (Sony Pictures Universe of Marvel Characters) before somebody realized how incredibly fucking dumb that sounds.

So the SSU is part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

No.

But isn’t Spider-Man part of the MCU?

Yes.

But the SSU movies are not?

No.

Explain.

Long story short, for complicated legal reasons, Sony, and not Marvel, has the movie rights to Spider-Man and his affiliated characters.

But didn’t Spider-Man pop up in the last couple of Avengers movies?

Yes.

Explain.

After Sony fumbled the franchise with 2014’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2, they cut a deal with Marvel Studios, under which Marvel produces Sony’s Spider-Man movies in exchange for getting to use Spider-Man in a handful of their own films.

But Sony's Spider-Man Universe isn’t part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Still no.

I’m so confused.

Remember how a few inches further up how I said that Sony had the rights to “Spider-Man and his affiliated characters”? Yeah well at some point after making the deal to have Marvel produce their Spider-movies, Sony got dollar signs in their eyes and decided they were going to start their own shared cinematic universe using Spider-Man villains and supporting characters.

So Spider-Man movies are part of the MCU, but movies about Spider-Man characters who are not actually Spider-Man are part of the SSU?

Now you’re gettin’ it!

Are those incredible animated Spider-Verse movies part of the SSU?

No.

Are they part of the MCU?

No.

…

…

…

…

Alright. So. If Spider-Man isn’t in these movies, how the hell is it a “Spider-Man Universe”?

Nobody knows.

Okay… so… Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’m even asking this, but… which films are in the SSU? Can you give me a quick rundown of each one?

I can try.

In Venom, directed Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland), Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock, a disgraced journalist who accidentally becomes a host for sentient parasitic alien goo that can turn him into a monster/superhero. It turns out that the sentient parasitic alien goo comes from a whole planet of sentient parasitic alien goos, some of which are not as nice as the one Eddie has met. And so, together, Eddie and the sentient parasitic alien goo must now try to stop a Elon Musk-esque tech billionaire (Riz Ahmed), who has bonded with one of the mean sentient parasitic alien goos, from bringing more mean sentient parasitic alien goos back to Earth.

Oh and also the good sentient parasitic alien goo tries to help Eddie win back his ex (Michelle Williams).

In the movie’s most memorable scene, Hardy has a soak in a lobster tank.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage, directed by Andy Serkis (yes, that Andy Serkis), finds Eddie and the goo continuing to reenact The Odd Couple. Concurrently, they have to deal with a serial killer who has also come into possession of a yet MORE sentient parasitic alien goo (Woody Harrelson, fully matching Hardy’s go-for-broke energy), as well as the equally-homicidal Bonnie to his Clyde (Naomie Harris), who doesn’t have sentient parasitic alien goo of her own but does have the ability to scream real loud.

Oh and also the good sentient parasitic alien goo is still trying to help Eddie win back his ex.

In the movie’s most memorable sequence, the sentient parasitic alien goo goes to a rave without Eddie and gives what is ostensibly a coming out speech.

Then, in a post-credits scene, reality changes around Eddie/Venom, and he suddenly finds himself watching a news report about Spider-Man.

Wait wait wait… the same Spider-Man from the MCU?

Yes.

So Venom IS in the MCU?

Temporarily, I guess? Just two months later, Marvel Studios released Spider-Man: No Way Home, and in a post-credits scene from THAT movie, Eddie/Venom is returned to his original reality before he even has a chance to interact with Spider-Man (although he does leave a dab of sentient parasitic alien goo behind).

So why swap his reality at all?

Nobody knows.

Okay… so… ugh, I don’t feel so good… you were summing up the other SSU movies?

Right. So. Directed by Daniel Espinosa (Safe House), Morbius follows Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto), who is both suffering from and developing a cure for a rare blood disorder. He uses himself as the test subject for that cure, naturally, which involves the DNA of vampire bats, naturally, and thus, naturally, he turns into a vampire. Naturally.

While Morbius has issues with the idea of killing people for sustenance, the villain, in true comic book movie tradition, is a former ally with identical powers and no such moral qualms (Matt Smith). Morbius ultimately kills his old friend and saves the day.

In the movie’s most memorable sequence, the bad guy dances in front of a mirror.

Then, in a post-credits scene, he meets Adrian Toomes, a.k.a. ‘Vulture’ (Michael Keaton), the antagonist from the MCU’s Spider-Man: Homecoming.

…

Yeah.

Should I even ask?

Basically, the events of Spider-Man: No Way Home result in a reality shift that somehow ports Vulture over to the SSU.

…

Mm-hm.

Wasn’t Vulture’s whole thing that he was protecting his family?

Yup.

Did they change realities, too?

Nobody knows.

So now Vulture from the MCU is also part of the SSU?

It sure seems that way.

But how does Vulture get his jet pack back if it was presumably left in his old universe?

Nobody knows.

How does Vulture meet Morbius?

He summons Morbius to a meeting, drops Spider-Man’s name, and suggests they work together.

How does Vulture even know who Morbius is?

He’s “been reading” about him.

Reading about him where?

Nobody knows.

Why would they work together?

Nobody knows.

Do they have a common enemy if there’s no Spider-Man in this reality?

Nobody knows.

Come to think of it, when Vulture mentions Spider-Man, why doesn’t Morbius ask who he’s talking about, given that there’s no Spider-Man in this reality?

Nobody knows.

Is Venom next on Vulture’s call sheet?

Nobody knows.

What is Madame Web about?

The feature debut of television director S.J. Clarkson (Dexter), Madame Web is about a paramedic (Dakota Johnson) who gains oracular powers and becomes the titular hero. She must then team up with with multiple Spider-Women (Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor) to stop the bad guy (Tahar Rahim), who, in an already-infamous bit of exposition, Johnson tells us “was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.”

Wait wait wait wait wait… so the bad guy is Spider-Man?!?!?!

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Dude, he REALLY looks like Spider-Man.

Yes.

…

…

…

…

Okay. Okay. [pops open a bottle of extremely potent liquor] What about Kraven the Hunter?

J.C. Chandor (Triple Frontier) directed this film about the eponymous Spider-Man villain (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), a hunter perpetually in search of the most challenging prey - even if that prey is human. In the comics, he looks like this…

…so, naturally, the movie is rated R. Naturally.

Why the fuck would they do that???

Nobody knows.

Is this all leading up to something, like The Avengers?

Unclear. For awhile, everyone’s best guess was that, yes, eventually, Sony wants to put all these characters together in a movie about a cadre of Spider-Man villains known as the Sinister Six. But according to Variety, in light of the MCU recently falling into disfavor with audiences, Sony is now downplaying the interconnectedness of the films: “Each production is being sold as a self-contained endeavor, with its own aesthetic touch and no franchise catch-up needed.” But presumably, if Marvel’s next Avengers movie is hit when it comes out in 2026, they’ll switch gears again.

Okay, well, if they DO make a movie about the Sinister Six… who would they fight, if not Spider-Man?

Nobody knows.

And how could they even call themselves the Sinister Six when the movies don’t portray any of them as being particularly sinister?

Nobody knows.

So why does anyone give a shit about these movies?

Nobody knows.

You sure do seem to know a lot about this nonsense. Everything okay with you, buddy?

Nobody knows.